JCVD

Upon hearing of JCVD, I thought my plot for a film called "Jason Statham Will Shoot You" had been taken. But no.

Never trust Netflix “At A Glance” descriptions.  I thought I had learned that, but I guess I didn’t.  Netflix described JCVD thusly: “Jean-Claude Van Damme plays himself in this comic action film.”  Because of this, I went in with expectations of seeing something similar to Shoot ‘Em Up, which I can’t recommend enough.  This was reinforced before the film even started as the production company’s intro sequence and logo (which is normally a silhoutted boy pulling a daisy from the ground) featured Van Damme attempting to take a flower from a child and subsequently performing a roundhouse kick on him.

The opening sequence is an impressive single take of Van Damme beating the crap out of a couple platoons of soldiers.  While the scene is full of awesome, its primary purpose is to provide contrast to Van Damme’s down-and-out persona.  As the film unfolds, we learn in a non-linear manner that he’s losing his daughter in a custody battle, is short on cash, and has wound up as a key figure in a post office robbery.

The directorial techniques are a mixed bag in terms of success.  The washed-up tone and washed-out colors of JCVD are similar to that of The Wrestler and add a gloominess.  We are essentially presented with the first events of the film twice: once from outside of the post office and once from Van Damme’s view inside the post office.  The second run through of the plot quickly becomes tiring though, as its pretty easy to figure out what has happened only a few minutes into it.  Some of the more effective devices include a dramatic (and well-acted!) fourth-wall breaking monologue and a fake “rewound” ending.  Not what I was expecting going in, but there’s some interesting stuff here nonetheless.

Arbitrary song of the day: Giant Drag – Kevin is Gay

Quick Film Reviews: Towelhead, Bottle Shock, Star Trek, Crank: High Voltage

Towelhead

Towelhead is almost a female version of Running with Scissors.  Both deal with themes of homosexuality, abuse, and bizarre, unaware family members.  While the title of the film (and if I recall correctly, the preview I saw) suggests more of a theme of racism whereas the film centers around protagonist Jasira’s sexual discovery and abuse.  The characters surrounding Jasira are pretty interesting, including her father, who, when is he isn’t being racist or cruel to Jasira, is actually funny (as in we are laughing at him, not with).  Aaron Eckhart plays a difficult role as the scummy neighbor with a Texas accent that isn’t entirely there.  There’s her awkward black boyfriend Thomas, who while a bit of a sex-obsessed high school student, ultimately seems to be a decent person.  However, the real hero of the film is Jasira’s neighbor Melina and her husband Gil who shelter Jasira.  Overall, Towelhead is an interesting combination of family problems and abuse with some scattered bits of humor to lighten it up.

Bottle Shock

First off, I like Alan Rickman.  He has a great voice and is just perfect as a British wine connoisseur Steven Spurrier.  I was most interested in his story along with California vinter Jim Barrett (Bill Pullman).  However, much of the film is derailed with Chris Pine and Freddy Rodriguez’s love triangle with their wineyard’s intern.  This subplot is not new, interesting, and not entirely resolved even though it takes up a good chunk of the film.  The story of the Judgment of Paris though is a solid interpretation of theme of snooty Europeans being knocked down a peg by the down-to-earth Americans.  Judging by Chris Pine’s role in this and the following movie, he seems predisposed to playing arrogant douchebags who get beat up in bars.

Star Trek

Just in case you don't believe me that there are explosions, there is one on the poster.

When I first heard that JJ Abrams was going to be directing the new Star Trek movie, I was excited.  I love his work on Lost and Cloverfield, but after seeing the trailer, I wasn’t so sure.  Luckily, the trailer lowered my expectations enough to make the film somewhat enjoyable.  I know we don’t need another person on the internet complaining about Star Trek, but there was a lot of dumb stuff in the movie.  There are sword fights (why?  you realize you have phasers, right?), a villain with ridiculous intentions and motivations (along with an evil space ship that has an interior like something out of Galaxy Quest), and enough deux ex machina to have its own gravitational field.  And speaking of which, I don’t rightly understand the confusion about singularities that sometimes makes them destroy planets and sometimes allows people to travel through time.

The cast is decent, though it’s hard to tell through the explosions.  Chris Pine is clearly doing his own thing with Kirk, which is fine in itself, but I’m not sure his characterization gave him much more personality than “kind-of-a-dick”.  Karl Urban does a good impression of Bones and Sylar is spot-on with Spock.  Anton Yelchin and Simon Pegg are enjoyable comic relief as Chekov and Scotty respectively.  But why is Tyler Perry in this film?  Was he doing research for Tyler Perry’s Madea Joins Star Fleet? (Cracked has a good take-down of Tyler Perry here.)

Ideally, what I wanted in a new Star Trek film was a film taking place further in the future with a transitional cast from ST:TNG, with a series spinoff.  Obviously, that film doesn’t make nearly as much money as this one and I couldn’t guarantee that the plot would have been much better, but I would have liked it more.  Anyway, the plot to Star Trek basically undoes all Star Trek canon.  Since so much of the Federation beating back the Borg in ST:TNG and First Contact was so dependent on very specific set of extenuating circumstances which would not have happened due to all the changes in the timeline, I’m going to assume that a hundred years or so after Star Trek, the Borg came along and assimilated everyone.  The End.

Crank: High Voltage

I can’t begin to describe this film.  The plot is as enjoyably absurd as one could hope with a group of Chinese medics rescuing Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) who just fell out of a helicopter, stealing his heart, and plotting to steal his penis (yes, that happens and in the first five minutes no less).  As much as I joked about needing to see the first film for this to make sense, it actually did help to know some of the characters and events of the original Crank.  As over-the-top violent and misogynystic the first one was, this one was even more so – a not unimpressive feat.  Though the plot is (intentionally) ridiculous, the humor, effects, and tongue-in-cheek dialog are whip-smart.  I love that they kept the Google Maps transitions, too.

Crank is clearly setup now for a third entry, though I’m not quite sure what can be done to top Chev Chelios having to keep his adrenaline up and having to stay electrically charged.  Is he going to be on fire throughout Crank 3?  Does he have to kill someone every 10 seconds to stay alive?

Arbitrary song of the day: Nine Inch Nails – La Mer

Duck

AFLAC!

Duck (Nic Bettauer, 2005) is a simple little film starring Philip Baker Hall, one of my favorite actors.  As someone whose face seems worn and weary by time, Hall is a perfect fit as a lonely widower who has one of the saddest back-stories you’ll hear.  The premise is rather basic: Hall as Arthur Pratt is lonely to the point of suicide until he comes upon a new friend, a duckling who he names Joe.

Arthur speaks to Joe like a crazy lady speaks to the child she kidnapped.  He talks almost non-stop to Joe with overly descriptive language of what he is doing – pretty redundant and a bit inane.  It probably would have been better served without any, which would have given it a more striking effect.  Joe is a unrelenting quacker, too, meaning that our two main characters both talk a lot, even though one really doesn’t understand the other.  Gradually we learn how the world the two live in is being torn apart.  Arthur is broke and getting evicted from his apartment; the ponds that Joe would call home are being drained to make way for malls by construction workers so evil they probably burn down FernGully in their spare time.  In this dystopian future of 2009 in which Duck takes place, we learn that Jeb Bush has become president, trash is now strewn everywhere, and the average dickishness quotient among the general population has become exceedingly high.

Joe grows up rapidly, giving us some nebulous sense of time passing.  Over this time, the duo head west from Los Angeles to the ocean encountering various people who they help or get helped by.  This includes a suicidal French Stewart (!), who is probably the easiest to help suicidal person ever.  The encounters are vignette-like, fleeting as quickly as they arrive.  My favorite was their visit at a nail parlor with an Asian pedicurist who gives Joe a bath.  She’s played by actress Amy Hill, who you’ll almost certainly recognize from something.  The scene is expressed with simple character-building dialog that’s the film’s strong point.  Of course, it’s entirely possible that this was just longest Aflac commercial ever.

Arbitrary song of the day: The Offspring – Pay the Man

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack and Miri Make a Porno is very, how do you say… directed by Kevin Smith.  His dialogue snaps like it always has and is perfectly channeled through Seth Rogen as Zack.  Elizabeth Banks pulls off the role of guy’s girl Miri pretty well, though she’s still JD’s love interest Kim Briggs as far as I’m concerned.  Anyway, the two are broke roommates who have been living in Monroeville (the Pittsburgh suburb of Dawn of the Dead fame) for their entire lives.  While attending a class reunion, Zack and Miri meet gay porn star Brandon St. Randy played by Justin Long, who already has a decent porn name.  Eventually, the two figure that shooting a porno could make them some fast cash.  With the help of their friend and newfound producer Delaney (played by Craig Robinson of The Office), they put together a ragtag group to shoot their movie.

From there, the plot unfolds like you would expect with Zack and Miri discovering their true feelings for each other and that disrupting the making of their porno.  I don’t feel like that is a spoiler, as there really aren’t any surprises along the way.  I don’t have a problem with a predictable plot on its own; if the witty dialogue keeps me laughing, I’m satisified.  However, the second half falls a bit flat as the necessary exposition overtakes the humor.

For all the business with the film having to appeal its MPAA rating of NC-17 down to R, there wasn’t that much nudity in it.  In fact, I think if there was any less, it would put the film in the same class as The Amateurs – a film afraid of its own premise.  But then I don’t pretend to understand anything about the MPAA’s rating system, which puts torture porn like The Passion of the Christ at the same level of as The Matrix.

As I mentioned above, the film takes place and is shot in Monroeville and Pittsburgh.  Zack and Miri both have Penguins gear in the opening sequence and we later meet a drunken Steelers fan.  One of the scenes near the end of the film takes place outside of the Mellon Arena and we’re given a few shots of downtown Pittsburgh.

All in all, Zack and Miri is a generally hilarious film with a functional plot that survives on its wit and characters.  Oh, and stick around after the credits for the full ending.

Arbitrary song of the day: Akon – Never Gonna Get It

Jan Švankmajer’s Faust

Faust (1994) is director Jan Švankmajer’s retelling of the tale of Doctor Faust, a man who makes a literal deal with the devil for knowledge.  The 16th century German story is brought into 20th century Prague, which apparently is full partially abandoned buildings and dank basements.  Through the first act, our Everyman wanders through these creepy locations with little dialogue, which adds to the haunting atmosphere (as my roommate put it, he’s like a creepy Mr. Bean – indeed, Everyman looks like Rowan Atkinson).  He eventually encounters an alchemy lab and manages to whip up some sort of golem terror-baby.

Do not mess with Terror-Baby.

After becoming Faust through a play, he encounters some moderately scary human-sized marionettes, including an angel, a demon, and a jester who sounds like Terrance and Phillip (in the English dub at least).  Additionally, the Devil’s intimidating intonations sound a lot like this.  The marionettes are involved in rhythmic scenes which possess a degree of repetition.  In the case of the jester, much of this is used to a humorous effect, such as when he goes in search of someone in Prague to protect Faust from the Devil.  This intentionally out-of-place scene works like a hidden camera TV show, as the people on the street don’t seem to be aware of a film being shot.

This is only my second Švankmajer film, but it seems that one of his habits is his use of grating sound effects.  In Alice (1988), he used all sorts of mechanical glitchy noises and the girl’s voices.  The chatter of the marionette’s teeth and an assortment of other bizarre effects is a bit unnerving, but not quite to the extent of Alice.  While not as visually stimulating as Alice, partly due to most of Faust being live action, the film is still quite creepy and not very difficult to get into.

Arbitrary song of the day: The Seatbelts – Elm

Being There

Being There (dir. Hal Ashby – 1979) was one of Peter Sellers last films.  Taking on the role of the extremely simple Chance, Sellers maintains a calmness that is both provoking and humorous.  After his older parental figure whom he lives with dies, Chance ventures out into the real world on his own.  He lucks into meeting the US President through Ben Rand,  the kind of man who makes presidents.  None of the people around Chance recognize him for being mentally challenged and really, I don’t think I do either.  There is a sort of Zen-like existence to him.

While the film is almost as even-handed, there are a couple things which disrupted it a bit.  For one was Louise’s (the maid) rant which, while funny, didn’t match up with the other oblivious perceptions of Chance we were being given.  Second was the President’s impotency; if I had to guess, I would say that is supposed to show that the President was impotent both literally and figuratively.  In the context of the plot, this makes sense, but until the ending (and until I thought about it a bit) it seemed fairly extraneous.  The ending brought me a good deal of joy, as it helped me understand a reference in Arrested Development (no spoilers, but as a hint, it involves Rita – who, too, is charmingly simple).  The outtakes during the credits, however, did seem incredibly out of place and broke a lot of the film’s illusion.  Let’s save the outtakes for Jackie Chan movies, ok?

The attitude exuded by Chance is not of stoicism, as there is a real understated joy to his performance, but of a cool demeanor that is felt in each scene. While watching, I thought it comparable to Harold and Maude and afterward found it only partially a surprise that Ashby had directed that as well.  I was going to say if you liked Harold and Maude to see this, but really, I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t like this.

Arbitrary song of the day: Thomas Fehlmann – Atlas 2

September

September (dir. Woody Allen – 1987) is a very still film.  Not sedentary, but still.  It seems like it should be a subtle film due to the way it is shot with slow pans, few cuts, and soft dialogue.  However, most discussion is either very expository (the character Peter says, “I want to kiss you” and Stephanie responds, “You can’t – there are too many problems”) or meaningless chit-chat.  There are the usual Allen themes of uncertainty and the creative struggle, but this film just feels like the wrong way to present them.  Of Woody Allen’s films, this is probably the most skippable I’ve seen.

A lot of the aspects just don’t seem to be completely developed.  For example, I don’t feel invested in any of the characters, though I think this is partially because the dialogue seems like it’s supposed to be natural but doesn’t quite do it.  The entire film takes place around a single location, Lane’s (Mia Farrow’s) house in the country, similarly to a newer film that I reviewed fairly recently.  The more I think about it, the more I think the plot is a reflection of the house where it takes place: pastel, soft-toned, flawed, and not entirely memorable.

Arbitrary song of the day: Kraftwerk – Hall of Mirrors

The Grand

The Grand is a mockumentary in the tradition of Christopher Guests.  The formula is simple: a fantastic ensemble cast, quirky characters, and some choice cameos/short appearances.  It also features appearances from a few poker players including Doyle Brunson and Phil Laak.  By far the best poker personality present though is Phil Gordon, of celebrity jeopardy fame.  He’s a perfect mixture of professionalism and incredulousness at his partner while playing the straight man of the announcing team.

The feel is incredibly loose and improvisational (director Zak Penn apparently had the actors improvise much of the dialogue.  Additionally, the plot/ending was decided by the actual poker game the cast had going).  Chris Parnell’s character, a Dune fanatic, is probably the most absurdly enjoyable, but David Cross has more than a few great moments.  David Cross and Cheryl Hines play twins, possibly a play on brother-sister poker duo Howard Lederer and Annie Duke (like Hines’ character, Duke has gotten the better of her brother).

Much of the film is shot in the ESPN-style poker tournament style and is most probably the most realistic depiction of professional poker I’ve seen in a film.  This gives it an air of realism that makes the hilarious dialogue all the more humorous.

Arbitrary song of the day: The White Stripes – Icky Thump

The Man from Earth

The Man from Earth is a nice little low-budget movie filmed entirely in and around a small house.  It’s a fairly simple premise: the main character, Professor John Oldman, is a 14000 year old Cro-Magnon.  The film consists entirely of John discussing this with his colleagues who all believe him to various degrees.  At first, the film felt slow and the dialogue cliched.  Even once the film got underway, the dialogue mostly consisted of just the typical questions of disbelief that you would find in any sci-fi plot twist.  The acting in general is kind of weak and at times feels like an over-acted play (I know, a bit redundant, as all plays are over-acted).  Dr. Phlox, especially, seems a bit over-the-top at times.  However, once John’s narrative kicks in a bit, this is much less of an issue.

There are some other issues as well.  Dr. Gruber’s first scene was fairly bewildering and seemed tacked on in order to provide some “action”.  Additionally, they discuss how the widespread belief at the time of Christopher Columbus was that the Earth was flat.  It’s a little upsetting to think that there are reasonably intelligent people out there who still believe the fiction written by Washington Irving about Christopher Columbus in the 19th century.  Navigators and scholars have known that the Earth was roughly spherical since before the Common Era.  This was particularly offputting since those discussing it were supposed to be professors.

There are a couple irritating characters.  The film makes Edith, a literalist Christian, intentionally annoying.  Even the other characters find her obnoxious.  Art is equally annoying, though thats just because he’s a jerk.  But, I suppose I can see how these characters were useful for driving the dialogue.

Overall, The Man from Earth had enough plot twists and a good enough premise to keep me interested.  Surprisingly for a dialogue-driven film with a mediocre dialogue, The Man from Earth works very well.

Arbitrary song of the day: Beck – Deadweight

Some short movie notes

So, Netflix is gonna stop selling used movies now?  Why’s that?  Anyway, get your $6 cheap-as-free movies from Netflix while you can (until Nov. 30).  I will probably be getting Anchorman, Borat, There Will Be Blood, The Lives of Others, The Squid and the Whale, The Weatherman, and The Savages while I can.

The Rage in Placid Lake

Really, there isn’t much “rage”, nor is there a lake.  The main character, Placid Lake, is a seventeen year old with hippie parents.  Placid gets picked on in school by a group of bullies and so decides to change his life.  Much to the chagrin of his parents, Placid decides to get a conventional job and try to move up the corporate ladder.  This twist on the hippie kid/conservatives parents dynamic was pretty funny and I didn’t think that it got old throughout the film, despite how often it was used.  This is a fantastic offbeat Australian comedy that anyone who likes indie comedies should probably watch.

Wet Hot American Summer

I hadn’t really heard anything about this film before watching it, so I wasn’t quite sure what to expect.  I basically chose to watch it based on David Hyde Pierce’s absurd mustache and the fact that I like Paul Rudd.  Wet Hot American Summer pokes fun at summer camp films – I can’t name any off the top of my head, but for some reason the genre is familiar.  I needn’t describe the plot at all because it merely serves to poke fun at this genre of movies and drive the movie from gag to gag.  At first I didn’t realize how absurd it was exactly.  At least not until the gang hitches a ride into town, gets addicted to heroin, and arrives back to camp in perfect condition in the span of an hour.  The film is filled with semi-famous and entirely-recognizable people such as Janeane Garofalo, David Hyde Pierce, Michael Ian Black, Paul Rudd, Molly Shannon, Amy Poehler, Christopher Meloni, Elizabeth Banks (who seems to be in every movie I want to see right now), Judah Friedlander, and H. Jon Benjamin.  It’s not a “good” movie and is extremely uneven, but it was definitely funny.

Arbitrary song of the day: Bloc Party – She’s Hearing Voices