Quick Film Reviews: Towelhead, Bottle Shock, Star Trek, Crank: High Voltage

Towelhead

Towelhead is almost a female version of Running with Scissors.  Both deal with themes of homosexuality, abuse, and bizarre, unaware family members.  While the title of the film (and if I recall correctly, the preview I saw) suggests more of a theme of racism whereas the film centers around protagonist Jasira’s sexual discovery and abuse.  The characters surrounding Jasira are pretty interesting, including her father, who, when is he isn’t being racist or cruel to Jasira, is actually funny (as in we are laughing at him, not with).  Aaron Eckhart plays a difficult role as the scummy neighbor with a Texas accent that isn’t entirely there.  There’s her awkward black boyfriend Thomas, who while a bit of a sex-obsessed high school student, ultimately seems to be a decent person.  However, the real hero of the film is Jasira’s neighbor Melina and her husband Gil who shelter Jasira.  Overall, Towelhead is an interesting combination of family problems and abuse with some scattered bits of humor to lighten it up.

Bottle Shock

First off, I like Alan Rickman.  He has a great voice and is just perfect as a British wine connoisseur Steven Spurrier.  I was most interested in his story along with California vinter Jim Barrett (Bill Pullman).  However, much of the film is derailed with Chris Pine and Freddy Rodriguez’s love triangle with their wineyard’s intern.  This subplot is not new, interesting, and not entirely resolved even though it takes up a good chunk of the film.  The story of the Judgment of Paris though is a solid interpretation of theme of snooty Europeans being knocked down a peg by the down-to-earth Americans.  Judging by Chris Pine’s role in this and the following movie, he seems predisposed to playing arrogant douchebags who get beat up in bars.

Star Trek

Just in case you don't believe me that there are explosions, there is one on the poster.

When I first heard that JJ Abrams was going to be directing the new Star Trek movie, I was excited.  I love his work on Lost and Cloverfield, but after seeing the trailer, I wasn’t so sure.  Luckily, the trailer lowered my expectations enough to make the film somewhat enjoyable.  I know we don’t need another person on the internet complaining about Star Trek, but there was a lot of dumb stuff in the movie.  There are sword fights (why?  you realize you have phasers, right?), a villain with ridiculous intentions and motivations (along with an evil space ship that has an interior like something out of Galaxy Quest), and enough deux ex machina to have its own gravitational field.  And speaking of which, I don’t rightly understand the confusion about singularities that sometimes makes them destroy planets and sometimes allows people to travel through time.

The cast is decent, though it’s hard to tell through the explosions.  Chris Pine is clearly doing his own thing with Kirk, which is fine in itself, but I’m not sure his characterization gave him much more personality than “kind-of-a-dick”.  Karl Urban does a good impression of Bones and Sylar is spot-on with Spock.  Anton Yelchin and Simon Pegg are enjoyable comic relief as Chekov and Scotty respectively.  But why is Tyler Perry in this film?  Was he doing research for Tyler Perry’s Madea Joins Star Fleet? (Cracked has a good take-down of Tyler Perry here.)

Ideally, what I wanted in a new Star Trek film was a film taking place further in the future with a transitional cast from ST:TNG, with a series spinoff.  Obviously, that film doesn’t make nearly as much money as this one and I couldn’t guarantee that the plot would have been much better, but I would have liked it more.  Anyway, the plot to Star Trek basically undoes all Star Trek canon.  Since so much of the Federation beating back the Borg in ST:TNG and First Contact was so dependent on very specific set of extenuating circumstances which would not have happened due to all the changes in the timeline, I’m going to assume that a hundred years or so after Star Trek, the Borg came along and assimilated everyone.  The End.

Crank: High Voltage

I can’t begin to describe this film.  The plot is as enjoyably absurd as one could hope with a group of Chinese medics rescuing Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) who just fell out of a helicopter, stealing his heart, and plotting to steal his penis (yes, that happens and in the first five minutes no less).  As much as I joked about needing to see the first film for this to make sense, it actually did help to know some of the characters and events of the original Crank.  As over-the-top violent and misogynystic the first one was, this one was even more so – a not unimpressive feat.  Though the plot is (intentionally) ridiculous, the humor, effects, and tongue-in-cheek dialog are whip-smart.  I love that they kept the Google Maps transitions, too.

Crank is clearly setup now for a third entry, though I’m not quite sure what can be done to top Chev Chelios having to keep his adrenaline up and having to stay electrically charged.  Is he going to be on fire throughout Crank 3?  Does he have to kill someone every 10 seconds to stay alive?

Arbitrary song of the day: Nine Inch Nails – La Mer

May 2009 Mix CD

I missed the April mix disc due to my main PC being down with hard drive issues.  Thanks go to Western Digital for their useful customer service, even though it did take a month to get a good one in return (the first arrived DOA).  Anyway, let’s kick it in a manner befitting of an elderly school…

1. The Prodigy – Invaders Must Die >> Before reading Paul Shirley’s writeup on The Prodigy, I was unaware that The Prodigy even had a new album.  I wasn’t into their previous album, which was too much of that awkward electronic-rock crossover with too many guest stars, a type of an album which occurs more often than it should.  In short, The Prodigy is back with an evil, growling big beat that shows off what they’ve always done best.
2. Mindless Self Indulgence – Straight to Video
3. The Smashing Pumpkins – FOL >> I broke my rule of not including Pumpkins songs on mix albums, as the quality obviously isn’t as consistent as their 90s work and it’s not entirely certain that Billy Corgan will keep putting out full albums.  Also, he should probably drop “The Smashing Pumpkins” moniker now that it’s just him…
4. Phoenix – 1901 >> The track has a dance-punk vibe, despite minimal synthesizer intervention.  And isn’t this one of the most unexpected SNL music acts?
5. Bloc Party – One Month Off >> I guess this song occurs one month after Underworld’s “Two Months Off”?
6. Liars – It Fit When I Was a Kid (Crystal Castles Remix)
7. Hot Chip – Ready for the Floor >> I’ve listened to this song so many times now, but I still don’t know if I have anything interesting to say about.  Let’s try… it’s… a good… synthpop?  No, I guess I don’t.
8. The Ting Tings – Great DJ >> I’ve just been clicking through their singles on Youtube and so far this is the only one I like.  Am I doing it wrong?
9. Moloko – Fun for Me >> As I previously mentioned, I’m glad I learned of this song.
10. Andrew Bird – Imitosis >> Andrew Bird looks to be one of the more interesting musicians to see live – great multi-instrumentalist.
11. Editors – Open Up >> It seems like Editors’ B-sides are hit-or-miss.  Along with “Colours”, these are a couple of Editors best songs.  Enjoyably repetetive and singable.
12. Interpol – NYC >> Conveys a sense of space, a quality which I think is present only in Interpol’s best.
13. Aceyalone with RJD2 – A Beautiful Mine (edit) >> Also known as the theme to Mad Men, I edited this down to remove the extra noodling at the end.
14. Dan Deacon – Okie Dokie >> Aside from the plain insanity of this track I enjoy two particular things about this song.  One is the refrain of “I’ve got a rattlesnake gun” (is it a gun that is for shooting rattlesnakes?  is it a gun that shoots out rattlesnakes?  THESE ARE THE THINGS I NEED TO KNOW!).  Second is that it’s on the album Spiderman of the Rings, one of the better album names you’ll see.  Anyay, I still need to hear Deacon’s most recent album.
15. Passion Pit – Sleepy Head >> Reminds me of “Alice” by Pogo.  I absolutely adore the wipey synth that comes in around 1:13.
16. Hot Chip – One Pure Thought
17. Asobi Seksu – Transparence >> I hadn’t really noticed until now, but I didn’t really like their first album.  They didn’t figure out until Citrus (2006).
18. Third Eye Blind – Jumper >> This is still a good song; I refuse to believe otherwise.
19. Supergrass – In It For the Money >> What’s with the sudden ending?  It makes it a little hard on people making mix CDs, but it does provide good contrast with…
20. Michael Andrews – Slipping Away >> A short creepy track you’ll probably recognize as being out of the Donnie Darko soundtrack.
21. The Prodigy – Stand Up >> Big bold brass.  I like it.

Also, you owe it to yourself to watch/listen to Steve Porter’s remixes of the Slap Chop and Sham Wow commercials.

Arbitrary song of the day: Thom Yorke – The Clock

5 Ways to Improve the MLB Draft

The Rule 4 Major League Baseball draft is coming up in about a month (June 9).  Unlike the NBA and NFL drafts which are surrounded by so much hoopla, the MLB draft is a relatively lowkey affair.  It wasn’t televised live until 2007.  I would absolutely like to see the draft made into a bigger deal, though I understand that it simply can’t be as important an event as the NBA and NFL drafts, where players can often make a large impact the first year after signing.  But here are some ideas that I think would improve the draft for the purpose of increased entertainment, strategy, and fairer player signing bonuses for lower selections.

No graduation requirement/age limit

It doesn’t make sense to me that players in places like the Dominican Republic or Venezuela can accept contracts at whatever age, such as Michel Ynoa who signed a multi-million dollar contract at age 16. Why should a player have to graduate from high school in order to get a job playing baseball?

I’m also tempted to say that the draft should apply to more than to just the United States and Canada, but I recognize that there are important differences in the way that US players are developed versus the way that Dominican talent is developed.  I would imagine that if the draft applied to international players, teams would have less incentive to develop baseball academies and contributing to the athletes’ communities.

Reduce the number of rounds

Currently, the draft runs 50 rounds (or until all teams pass), which is a comically long time.  For sake of comparison, the NBA and NFL drafts last two and seven rounds respectively.  The amateur draft used to be even longer, essentially lasting until everyone got sick of it and went home.  Future first-ballot Hall of Famer Mike Piazza was famously picked in the 62nd round.  If Mel Kiper did baseball, his mock draft board would need one of those sweet sliding ladders that large libraries use.  You could probably cut the draft to 25 or 20 rounds.  Let the players after that become free agents and sign where they want.  That would give them at least a little leverage in negotiations or allow them to sign close to their hometown or something.  It’s extremely unlikely that any one guy is going to make it to the big leagues, so the least you could do is let him work where he wants.  Keep in mind that players in these later rounds only get a couple thousand dollar signing bonuses and aren’t paid that well when playing in the minors.

Get rid of compensatory draft picks

Compensatory picks have almost the opposite effect of what they are supposed to be for.  Instead of compensating small-market teams who lose big-name players to free agency, it is rewarding the big-market teams who are signing these stars and later letting them go.  They can afford to risk offering arbitration (a necessary step in order to get compensatory picks) whereas teams with more limited budgets can’t do this.  Another side-effect (perhaps intentionally on the owners’ parts), is that teams aren’t willing to sign a Type-A or Type-B player for as much as they normally would because they would have to give up a draft pick.  We saw that this past offseason with Juan Cruz and Orlando Cabrera.

Allow trading of picks

This is a no-brainer.  I don’t see how anyone could be opposed to this.  It makes draft day more fun and it allows teams to be more flexible with the kinds of deals they make.

Implement hard-slotting for salaries for the first 5 rounds

This is probably my most controversial suggestion.  Some, such as Keith Law, have argued strongly against this, saying that hard-slotting and indeed the entire draft’s purpose is to drive down player signing bonuses and salaries by limiting player leverage.  But as a fan, I want to be entertained and, frankly, seeing teams pass up superior players in exchange for players with better “signability” is not entertaining.  I really don’t want to limit prospect’s salaries like this, as only a few of them will have long big league careers and I have no desire to see the owner’s pocket the extra cash, so I would suggest a very generous bonus slotting system whose values were proportional to the average Major League salary.  The top talents, like Stephen Strasburg, probably wouldn’t receive as much as they otherwise would, but some lesser players could potentially receive more money.  This would prevent ugly situations like the Nationals’ Aaron Crow debacle, the mess that was Pedro Alvarez’s contract negotiation, and more unfortunate outcomes like that of Matt Harrington, who was drafted five times but never signed a contract.  Anyway, the current slotting suggestions from the commissioner’s office are a joke and the only teams that follow them are the teams that are willing to draft poorly.

Arbitrary song of the day: Shakespear’s Sister – Black Sky (Dub Extravaganza part 2)